What a gorgeous day! The sun was shining, I spent the afternoon with my sister & my aunt, & then finished off with a walk along the sea front with Izzy (my dog)!
It's funny, a few years ago that would have been a pretty run of the mill day (minus the sunshine lol) but now it's so good to be well enough to even enjoy the simplest things.
I suppose that's a positive out of having my condition, you really learn to value things so much more because you simply don't know when you'll be well enough to enjoy it again. When I was well, I took so much for granted, going to work everyday, socialising at the weekends, spending time with my family! Now it's totally different, some days I'm in so much pain I can hardly manage the stairs to go to the loo!!
So I'm learning to enjoy the little things, it's not easy & there are still days I wish I could be my old self but maybe I can enjoy the new me (in time)
Make the most of every day because you never know what's coming next!!
Friday 3 September 2010
Friday 27 August 2010
Well my wee Izzy was 2 today...we've only had her a few months but she's made such a difference to our lives. With my illness it can be really hard to stay positive & she'll come up & give you a kiss, it puts a smile on my face every time, and then when I'm sitting on my own, I always have someone to talk to, & better yet she doesn't answer back....lol
Think that's the hardest thing us fibro chicks have to deal with, the loneliness. When you're going through a flare-up, you lie on the sofa & watch the world go by. Everybody carrying on with their lives. Two years ago that would have been me, but now I'm more like an OAP than a girl in her 20's. Now my sister is back to school, my fiance is going away to work & I'm gonna be stuck here. I can't drive because of my pain so over the summer my sister has made sure I've been able to get out & about, even if I had a crap day the following day, it was worth it just to feel "normal", now she's going back to school I don't know what I'm going to do. Think they're be a few long days ahead.
People keep telling me it'll get easier with time, & I have to believe that or what's the point. No matter how dark the days are, we have all have to believe that there's light at the end of the tunnel otherwise there's nothing. Don't give up, keep "plodding" on, no matter how hard it is, there's people out there who love you & there's someone who above all will always be there for you, God.
Love 2 All,
C x
Tuesday 17 August 2010
I haven't posted in a while, have had a bad flare-up which has zapped me of all my energy. Finding it really hard to deal with the hyper-sensitivity, if I'm poked in the arm, it feels like someone has stuck a knife in, if I scratch an itch, the pain literally takes my breath away. It's very hard to get people to understand how the simplest thing can feel like being stabbed.
Have been reading a book called "Coping with Fibro" & some of it makes since & some of it would kill me to do, I was also reading it to see if it would make good reading material for my mum & dad, as they're having a hard time understanding things. One day I'm complaining of pain in my back, the next it's a headache, the next it could be extreme fatigue....I can see why it would be hard for some people to understand, but it hurts so much when they look at you, & you know they're thinking "yeah right".
One of the hardest things for my dad to accept is that I don't work, I don't enjoy taking money from the government, but I know that I can't do it, some days I think yeah I could go out to work, others I can hardly get out of bed!
I'm not sure yet what I want to achieve through this blog, whether it's simply an online diary for me or whether I'm hoping to help others accept what's going on with them.
The main thing I have learnt the last few weeks, is that you have to be vocal, your nearest & dearest aren't mind readers, this is something I always struggle with, I don't want to be treated differently because I'm ill, but I am different, I can't do the things other people do, I have to pace myself even for simple tasks....accepting this is the 1st step to accepting your unwell!!
Gentle hugs to all,
C x
Have been reading a book called "Coping with Fibro" & some of it makes since & some of it would kill me to do, I was also reading it to see if it would make good reading material for my mum & dad, as they're having a hard time understanding things. One day I'm complaining of pain in my back, the next it's a headache, the next it could be extreme fatigue....I can see why it would be hard for some people to understand, but it hurts so much when they look at you, & you know they're thinking "yeah right".
One of the hardest things for my dad to accept is that I don't work, I don't enjoy taking money from the government, but I know that I can't do it, some days I think yeah I could go out to work, others I can hardly get out of bed!
I'm not sure yet what I want to achieve through this blog, whether it's simply an online diary for me or whether I'm hoping to help others accept what's going on with them.
The main thing I have learnt the last few weeks, is that you have to be vocal, your nearest & dearest aren't mind readers, this is something I always struggle with, I don't want to be treated differently because I'm ill, but I am different, I can't do the things other people do, I have to pace myself even for simple tasks....accepting this is the 1st step to accepting your unwell!!
Gentle hugs to all,
C x
Sunday 25 July 2010
Well have finally decided on what I want for my wedding. Gonna have a small service with parents, siblings & grandparents, then go for dinner somewhere. We're then gonna have couple of parties for both families to celebrate. While there will be people who I would want there with me, I'm happy with the decision....too much stuff going on to have a big wedding!!
Still having a bad flare up but trying to excercise, stretch & taking my meds so hopefully it'll calm down soon.
Was thinking about the film "The Bucket List" really love it & have decided to draw up my own bucket list. With my health as it is I know it'll take a lot more planning than it would have before but there's def things I wanna do in my life & I love lists....lol
Will post when have my "final" list drawn up!!!
Still having a bad flare up but trying to excercise, stretch & taking my meds so hopefully it'll calm down soon.
Was thinking about the film "The Bucket List" really love it & have decided to draw up my own bucket list. With my health as it is I know it'll take a lot more planning than it would have before but there's def things I wanna do in my life & I love lists....lol
Will post when have my "final" list drawn up!!!
Friday 23 July 2010
Rock Bottom!!
Went to bed last night feeling ok, then listened to some music & the tears flowed. Tears for the things I can't do anymore, tears for the usual struggles (money, family etc), and tears for the life I used to have.
When I say that, I by no means hate my life, but it has been a struggle this past year & a bit. I was diagnosed with Fibro (widespread pain in most joints), ME (extreme fatigue: like I could sleep for 12 hours & wake up knackered) & depression. That caused me to lose my job & it caused huge problems in my family (due to my handling of the situation). I think I miss work more than anything, I miss the social aspect of it, this illness leaves me very isolated because I can't go out etc. I think thats the thing I miss about my life 2 years ago!!! ( never thought I'd be saying that)
Then I got my Bible out (which I haven't looked out in the past year) & read Job. It really put things into perspective. Job lost everything his livestock, his children, & while he still grieved, he also praised the Lord. All I've dont this last year is moan, complain, be angry etc & yet here is a man who lost everything & rather than blame God, he praised him. I found that incredible, to have such strong faith. I may not have my health, social life but I do have my family, my couple great friends, my fiance....so I have a lot to praise God for.....plus even after all the pain, the sickness & fatigue I'm still here.
Whether you're religious or not, I think we could all take a leaf out of Job's book, things can seem so bleak at times but if you really think about it we all have things in our lives (no matter how small) that we can still be thankful for, & will give us that lift to get through whatever comes our way.
C x
When I say that, I by no means hate my life, but it has been a struggle this past year & a bit. I was diagnosed with Fibro (widespread pain in most joints), ME (extreme fatigue: like I could sleep for 12 hours & wake up knackered) & depression. That caused me to lose my job & it caused huge problems in my family (due to my handling of the situation). I think I miss work more than anything, I miss the social aspect of it, this illness leaves me very isolated because I can't go out etc. I think thats the thing I miss about my life 2 years ago!!! ( never thought I'd be saying that)
Then I got my Bible out (which I haven't looked out in the past year) & read Job. It really put things into perspective. Job lost everything his livestock, his children, & while he still grieved, he also praised the Lord. All I've dont this last year is moan, complain, be angry etc & yet here is a man who lost everything & rather than blame God, he praised him. I found that incredible, to have such strong faith. I may not have my health, social life but I do have my family, my couple great friends, my fiance....so I have a lot to praise God for.....plus even after all the pain, the sickness & fatigue I'm still here.
Whether you're religious or not, I think we could all take a leaf out of Job's book, things can seem so bleak at times but if you really think about it we all have things in our lives (no matter how small) that we can still be thankful for, & will give us that lift to get through whatever comes our way.
C x
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